phil hellmuths “clap trap” strategy

Phil hellmuth was playing at the wpt malta but was he also playing away?

phil hellmuth said Really, a Doctor?!? Just had a Doctor come to table for spider bite AND ear infection! Swam 10 mins, but my immune system was weak from bite and then followed it up with Doctor gave me “Ciprofloxacin” 2-a-day + “Locorten-Vioform” ear drops; and told me, “You will not be able to concentrate + U will be weak!”

Cuntspoker have spoken to our Malta division and they say that this story is allegedly very unlikely and a load of old bollocks. There are not that many spiders in Malta and the local hunters are likely to shoot any of the fuckers that so much as move 3 legs.

Also, phil hellmuth was unlikely to be staying at some dodgy flea pit of a hotel, only the best 5 star would be good enough for him. How many spiders do you think can survive in a 5 star hotel suite, especially as phil hellmuth would not have got the dodgy cut price room beside the swimming pool pumps.

phil hellmuth malta young thin speedos

phil hellmuth in malta - young thin and wearing speedos

So what was phil hellmuth up or down to when playing away at the wpt malta? Another clue comes from him when he said on twitter Backfired! Thought my wife would miss me SO MUCH because I’m in Europe for weeks, but instead she realizes what a pain in the arse I am!. So the wife was not with him and he was out with a load of poker players … would those poker players have visited one of the many gentlemens clubs in paceville, such as Steam?

As wikipedia states … “Ciprofloxacin is used to treat a number of infections including urinary tract infections and uncomplicated cervical and urethra gonorrhea”

phil hellmuths “clap trap” pokeher strategy?

Posted in Real Poker News | Comments Off

Aria high roller $1,000,000 freeroll tournament – superstar freeloading scum!

The Aria have had a $1,000,000 freeroll poker tournament for high rollers according to a few high roller poker players on twitter who should know. No news about it anywhere else from what we can find but we werent looking that hard as it was the weekend. We contacted Phil ‘The Poker Brat’ Hellmuth for an update and when he responds to our polite request we will be able to let you know more.

Amazing init that superstar poker players would lower themselves to go into a freeroll. Although a $1,000,000 freeroll amongst only a handful of poker high roller players is not your normal freeroll.

In the poker world freerollers are known as freeloading scum so its strange to be able to say that about high rollers. But then again maybe they have a lot of money locked up in full tilt poker so need the money?

Posted in Real Poker News | Comments Off

The Micros WSOP not so special

The Micros WSOP speical should be known as the Micros WSOP not so special. Just getting a bunch of poker players to make cameo’s does not make it a good or funny poker cartoon. The Micros WSOP special is special in the way that you have special classes for special kids. The Micros WSOP special looks, sounds and watches like it was done by special people.

the micros wsop not so special poker cartoon episode jimmy fricke

The only saving grace for the The Micros WSOP ‘special’ episode is the one, the only Jimmy Fricke cameo which is the only thing that will ever be remembered about this not so special episode. You were doing great guys, now go kill yourself before you stain your reputation any further.

Posted in Real Poker News | Tagged , | Comments Off

Thomas Kremser EPT scandal? are corporate whores?

Thomas Kremser EPT scandal or Kremser-Gate is a very surprising story in a month that may be known as Pokers Watergate. In the last month there have been numerous ‘outings’ of famous and semi famous poker players who have been accused or proved to be cheating by various means. If you are a retard and allow people access to your hole cards then what do you expect players may be tempted to do?

In amidst all the news that was happening and there was a huge amount one story captured the poker players attention. A site called – who have tried to out cunt cuntspoker by stepping on our turf – made suggestions of impropriety against Thomas Kremser and some strange things that happened at EPT events.

thomas kremser ept scandal not pokernews buzz-report

The Thomas Kremser EPT scandal also known as Kremser-Gate erupted over the internet and twitter. Kremser-Gate even made it to number 1 news item on the Buzz Report. The Buzz Report is the industries daily guide to what is happening in the poker world, it shares the latest poker news stories, gambling share prices etc. It is the self styled ‘The online poker industry Daily Buzz Report’ and everyone and every poker company and poker site either pays for it to be delivered to their inbox or gets copies sent to them from mates who work in companies that do pay for it. For Kremser-Gate to be the #1 news story in the Buzz Report shows how big Kremser-Gate was and is. You can read the actual Buzz Report showing that Kremser-Gate was the number one story, that it was mentioned in the twoplustwoforum, gambling911, thehendonmob forum etc. You can see how many other poker news stories and poker blogs are highlighted.

Even if Kremser-Gate was not true and made up by a poker news site desperate to create a name and a brand for themselves, similar to poker players ranting and raving when the camera’s are around, Kremser-Gate was news. That is a FACT that even Gérard Houllier could prove was a FACT and people would not have laughed at him and thought, Oh Dear Kevin Keegan I would love it moment and end of your career at that club …

Yet who proclaim themselves to be ‘PokerNews is the world’s No. 1 poker information source, offering: global poker news coverage’ have not mentioned Kremser-Gate once. Not even in passing. PokerNews hang around the poker forums and that is how they seem to get most of their stories. Kremser-Gate was discussed on the twoplustwo poker forum yet no mention of Kremser-Gate by PokerNews. Perhaps most of the pokernews workers use to be in advertising or work in online promotion departments where you have no original ideas or thoughts and just copy other peoples work.

So why did pokernews not even mention Kremser-Gate? The only reason can be that they were scared to upset PokerStars. They are happy to mention any alleged cheating of poker players but not a story like this involving the EPT, PokerStars and one of the most famous poker Tournament Directors? Perhaps Kremser-Gate was not big enough news for PokerNews which is the world’s No. 1 poker information source, offering: global poker news coverage. Or perhaps Kremser-Gate confirms are corporate whores who suck PokerStars cock big time. Or are they going to say it was not a poker news story?

Posted in Real Poker News | Tagged , , , | Comments Off

autofold bot on microgaming poker network! #Born2Rape poker players!

autofold bot on microgaming poker network! its fucking amazing! you can now use an autofold bot on the microgaming poker network and the autofold bot will never be caught and you will never be banned because the autofold bot is supplied to poker players on the microgaming poker network by microgaming itself!

you may think this is a cuntspoker windup but it is the poker Gods honest truth

there is stuff out there on lesser poker news sites telling you what and how it is and does but all you need to do to use the microgaming autofold bot is to play on unibet on the microgaming poker network and you will be #Born2Rape all the other poker players

Posted in Real Poker News | Tagged , | Comments Off

poor cunt!

lol@thispoorcunt! 2011 WSOP, the nain event, the biggest tournament of the year. You get dealt AA and TWO other poor cunts are all ins pre flop against your pocket aces, they both have pocket kings! O happy day :)

AA v KK v KK at 2011 WSOP main event and hand is chopped! poor cunt lol

AA v KK v KK at 2011 WSOP main event and hand is chopped! poor cunt lol

We don’t know what the exact action was, but when we got to the table the small blind reraised a previous bet and made it 12,500. A player in late position then moved all in for 24,800 and Gaberiel Thaler flat called. Action was finally back on the small blind who moved all in for around 35,000. Thaler made the call and everyone flipped over their cards.

Thaler: {A-Clubs}{a-Spades}
Small Blind: {K-Spades}{k-Clubs}
Late Position: {k-Diamonds}{K-Hearts}

Thaler was in an unbelievable spot as both his opponent’s had each other’s outs. Thaler was ecstatic as he was essentially on the verge of tripling up, because he only had the other two players covered by about 10,000. A crowd was growing of players from other tables came over to witness the rare spot Thaler was lucky to be in. The hand wasn’t over though and Thaler hadn’t won the hand yet. It was still possible for either of Thaler’s opponent’s to take the hand from him.

The dealer then spread out a {10-Hearts}{8-Spades}{7-Spades} flop which was just what Thaler needed, black cards and no chance for a run run straight. A {j-Hearts} turn made things a little more interesting as a river nine would now chop the pot between all players. With the {9-Hearts} landing on the river Thaler’s second worst nightmare had come true he hit a straight, as did his two other opponents. Thaler didn’t lose the hand, but he just chopped an almost guaranteed triple up with two players. Thaler was visible crushed as he walked away dejected and confused as the dealer split up all the chips equally.

I have actually seen the same thing before and relatively it was worse. Although not tripling up in thw 2011 WSOP main event is in theory worse …

A then very large online tournament (7 or 8 years ago!) was down to 3 players, first place was $50,000. They are amazingly all ins with AA v KK v KK and one of the KK people gets a backdoor flush! O how we laughed long and hard about it. You know how there are some things that make you chuckle years later? Totally out of the blue you will think about them and bring a smile to your face as you know the person must still think about it every day :) Literally poor cunt.

Posted in Real Poker News | Tagged | Comments Off

#fml or fuck your life @JustinBonomo ?

Tweet by @JustinBonomo when the poor cunt came 2nd in a WSOP tournament for only $117,305. This may be heart breaking to not win the WSOP bracelet but is it really that bad?

fml justin bonomo poker cunt

Yes Justin Bonomo, FML indeed. It is the worst news that the real world and the poker world has heard. Nothing is worse than that. Fuck Your Life indeed is what many around the world may now be thinking.

We are not saying this out of jealousy, cuntspoker are a bunch of cunts but everyone has a fraction bit of decency and humanity in them, apart from top cunt Tony “War Criminal” Blair. And I have just looked on @JustinBonomo Twitter account and they follow each other.

Posted in Real Poker News | Tagged , | Comments Off

#shoebomb at the #WSOP

Shoe bombs and shoe bombers are rampant with all the railbirding at the WSOP this year! The British and especially the English railbirds have been getting noisier and more drunk every year but with the new Mothership set up at the WSOP for the Final Tables the railbirding has reach new heights. The Barmy Army is now doing Poker Tours.

It’s a spectacular sight and sound for non English and non football supporters and its going to get a lot more messy over the rest of the WSOP and the next few years.

The latest craze is the Shoe Bomb where English poker fans railbirding the English poker players on a WSOP Final Table drink a Jagermeister or a Jagerbomb (Jagermeister bomb) their shoes!

shoe bomb bombers wsop Jagermeister  Jagerbomb red bull depth charge

Considering the scenes and railbirding that has happened so far at this years WSOP imagine if an English poker player wins the WSOP Main Event! There would be more Shoe Bombs than a “Human Centipede” could smuggle on board a plane.

Posted in Real Poker News, WSOP | Tagged , , | Comments Off

#WSOPlive Rail the Bird

Watching the WSOP live stream is boring unless the British are railbirding. Dirty foreigners only make a noise when its something big like the WSOP Main Event Final Table. The dirty foreigners are typical glory hunters who do not know how to support a team properly. Unless they are Canadians as it seems they know how to riot properly.

#wsoplive final tables streaming

God Bless the Queen and all who sail very drunkenly in her. If it was not for the drunken English railbirds the WSOP live stream would be as boring as watching a poker tournament where you can not see the players cards …

So the next time a dirty foreigner complains, moans, posts about ‘Oh the dreadful noise is ruining the amazing excitment of not being able to see anything and only hearing the monotonous droning of the cards as they are dealt’ give him the  WSOP final table Rail the Bird.

wsop final tables railbirds cheering support drunken moaning complianing

Posted in Real Poker News, WSOP | Tagged , , | Comments Off


basebaldy tweeted these either co-incidental or strange events during a hand at the WSOP tournament he is playing. Is it a “poker cheating conspiracy theory” scandal or do basebaldy and the other poker players on the table with Lunkin have good reasons to be concerned?
@ basebaldy (Eric Baldwin)
Guess it made me question my suspicion. Not sure what floor cld do anyway. It’s not clear cut either way, and 1 rd penalty=no big deal in PL

@ basebaldy (Eric Baldwin)
Other players at the table made comments like ‘I’m sure there was no intent, but that’s not right’. Others seem like no ill intent.

@ basebaldy (Eric Baldwin)
@Jymaster11 it didn’t take long for him to fold after touched, ~3 seconds. Table and dealers were also starting to comment on him looking.

@ basebaldy (Eric Baldwin)
I’m really torn on what to make of what I just witnessed.

@ basebaldy (Eric Baldwin)
Grabs him on right shoulder before he mucks. I’m not much of a conspirator and Lunkin seems nice, but…

@ basebaldy (Eric Baldwin)
Whoa. Lunkin gets checkraised in PLO and Russian friend at the table walks around the table and looks at his hand while he’s tanking…

Posted in Real Poker News, WSOP | Tagged , , | Comments Off