Not Cricket For Trickett

GOD BLESS AMERICA! Not happy with being shown how to play poker by an Englishman and an Iranian in the ‘Big One For One Drop’ some yanks have decided to give brave hero Sam Trickett a beating. The cunts. I expect dears that they used a baseball bat like the fags they are rather than a good old-fashioned English cricket bat which would have done more damage but that just shows what retards they are. Also, the man has just won $10 million, on top of his multiple other millions, yet the yankee fucktards didn’t rob a penny!


We don’t just hate Americans though dears so don’t label us as xenophobic (not that you could spell it if you wanted to). We also hate most Brits, including England’s Brave And Loyal John Terry who Trickett now sadly resembles with his face smashed in. Terry would no doubt claim that Trickett’s attackers were given the opportunity to beat him up when Sam had the temerity to dare go out and celebrate his result which again proves what a bell-end Terry is.

The moral of the story is this dears.

A) Americans are cunts
B) John Terry is a cunt
C) Sam Trickett’s bird is a decidedly tidy gupta (DTG)

 Come and play with Eileen at Carbon Poker.

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Annie Duke Makes ‘Em Puke!

@themasterj33 at #WSOP2012 said this week what everyone else should say when he told Annie Duke to go fuck herself – yay :). It didn’t surprise us dears that she would turn up at the WSOP because she’s got the brass neck of a particularly cunty giraffe but having been heavily involved in all aspects of the CEREUS and Epic Poker League fuckups she must be told what’s what. I’m not sure how she’s got away with it all to be fair – must be a powerful thing the minge :).

Obviously the silly cow is either too stupid or two much of a bitch to have a clue what the issue is. We’re guessing that if she ran over a kid while drink driving she’d gatecrash the funeral, inadvertently kill off an ageing grandparent through shock, take a slurp from a can of beer and say “What the fuck’s your problem?”.

She’s an utter disgrace of a woman and makes Rose West look like mother of the year dears. If she does go fuck herself let’s hope that she uses a chili coated dildo wrapped in barbed wire – yay :)

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Thor Hansen Charity Tournament on Betfair? What a cunt

Thor Hansen Charity Tournament on Betfair? What a cunt and exploitation of cancer.

Thor Hansen has won over 5 million in tournaments alone let alone only God knows how much in cash games and yet we are now asked to give him more money by playing in the Thor Hansen Charity Tournament on Betfair?

Thor Hansen has already had many Charity Tournaments from poker players when he won all that money. You have already given him millions and you want to give Thor Hansen more? Why? Has he asked you to do this? Or has a site like Betfair realised they can get something out of it?

Thor Hansen has cancer. So what? Thor Hansen will die of the cancer eventually, everyone does. Even those retards who believe they are ‘cured’ when they ‘beat’ cancer will die of it or a related illness.

Most people will die of cancer yet Betfair don’t do a new player acquisition and Public Relations Charity Tournament for them. It’s sick, being a vulture on a dying corpse.

Millions of others do who have not won $millions and you dont go giving those poor cunts money but the poker world wants to give rich cunts money?

What has Thor Hansen done with all those winnings? If you play in the Thor Hansen Charity Tournament on Betfair then you need to give money to every other fucker who has cancer and has not won millions.

Asko Heiskanen Betfair Global Poker Marketing Manger said “We are delighted to help out Thor at this time. I hope other operators across the industry join us to raise as much money and awareness as possible for one of pokers most well-loved players”




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Phil Ivey is black!

Phil Ivey is black was the poker news headline that burst around the poker world within minutes of it being announced by poker sites and forums.

I was a bit surprised as I had always though Phil Ivey was black. Or had he done a reverse Michael Jackson and got even blacker? Or did white people consider him one of their own as he was successful but due to all the recent scandals his aura had changed and they had suddenly realised they had been colour blind all this time?

Then when I had woken up fully I realised they were saying Phil Ivey is back. Oh dear silly me.

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#JenniferTilly #Born2BRaped trending

If Jennifer Tilly was not #Born2BRaped then she has made sure she has grown into an annoying high pitched women who does deserve it after I watched this video of her. If only to get her to shut the fuck up.

The only reason I sat through 8 minutes of mindless squealing drivel was that in the interview (sic) it was intimated that Jennifer Tilly was quitting poker.

jennifer tilly #Born2BRaped

#JenniferTilly #Born2BRaped trending?

After what seemed like an hour of Banshee possession Jennifer Tilly said the line “I am trying to stop playing poker …” and then spoiled it by not really confirming she was quitting.

jennifer tilly #Born2Rape

Jennifer Tilly #Born2Rape

Why in every image or interview of Jennifer Tilly does she have her cleavage on show? It is like some desperate whore strutting up and down the road late at night.

What was great though was the ending. Name and shame it baby.

jennifer tilly shut the fuck up

jennifer tilly shut the fuck up

If you have come home late from the pub and want a quick Tommy Tank of a bit of what should be MILF cleavage and the thought of what work that mouth could do on your Johnson then watch this …

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Tower Gaming rakeback pimps told to Fuck Off by ongame and join the rakewhore cake network

Tower Gaming poker have been told to Fuck Off by the ongame network and leave to join the Cake network instead. Tower Gaming have been known as a blatant and constant offender against ongames official no rakeback policy. While all skins on the ongame network do give some sort of unofficial rakeback most try to disguise it. Tower Gaming on the other poker hand flaunt their rakeback offers. Everyone could get at least 50% rakeback from any affiliate of Tower Gaming.

Tower Gaming rakeback whores and rakeback pimps

Ongame have finally had enough and told Tower Gaming to go fuck themselves and any network they join. The Cake network, one of the largest rakeback pimps, have obviously whored themselves to Tower Gaming, as Cake network need as many players as they can and Tower Gaming have many a rakeback whore and lots of rakeback pimps.

Tower Gaming are large and must make up around 5%-10% of the ongame network players? So it will be interesting to see which rakeback pimp sites and affiliates claim them these rakeback whores.

Ongames new mission statement appears to be “no rakeback bitches on my turf bitch”. If ongame are willing to get rid of Tower Gaming then no one is safe. Apart from Bwin of course who can do as much rakeback as they like as they own the ongame network.

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True Poker – do you give a TOSS?

TOSS is the Truepoker Online Super Series of poker tournament. As Truepoker say about TOSS

Some call it a tournament series. We call it a 6-day poker marathon across America.

This TruePoker SUPER SERIES of TOSS features:

$150k in guaranteed cash and prizes (WOW what a total in a whole SUPER series)
A $50k GUARANTEED Main Event (Main Event?)
19 events spread out over 6 days
Hold’em and Omaha tourneys (Holdem AND Omaha – OMFG that’s crazy)
A $25k Warm-Up Event on Thanksgiving
Big contests that award tourney seats, cash and FPPs

toss truepoker tournaments TruePoker Online Super Series

TOSS - Truepoker Online Super Series of tournaments includes Omaha

There is only one place where you should be playing poker if you give a TOSS.

There is an immense amount more information about TOSS here on the Truepoker website but be warned do not click on it if you are close to going to bed otherwise you will be late to bed.

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All-In for CP charity poker tournament

All-In for CP charity poker tournament as we give back to the poker community and the normal community, world and universe. The All-In for CP charity poker tournament will be hosted by CuntsPoker at the Venetian on 9th Dec 2011.

The All-In for CuntsPoker charity poker tournament is a $500+40 with $200 Rebuys for 90 minutes. CuntsPoker have already confirmed that those playing include Barry Greenstein, Phil Laak, Dennis Phillips, Antonio Esfandiari, Jennifer ‘Rape’ Tilly and a lot of other less famous poker players and celebrities.

All-In for CP charity poker tournament

All-In for CP charity poker tournament

Luckily we have an image advertising the All-In for CP charity poker tournament with Chris Moneymaker and Joe Hachem but they have not confirmed they will be attending. It’s not false advertising as the story involves some spastics so its ok to take your money with any excuse.

And here is a real tear jerker story that should make you cough up the money to support the All-In for CuntsPoker charity poker tournament

In 2007, Robinson decided to begin playing pub poker, which was organized by the National Poker League in Australia. It was so bad that in the same year, he fell into a heavy depression for 8 months, he didn’t speak. He didn’t want to eat or drink and was on various medications. After many visits to doctors and psychologists, no one knew what was wrong with Robinson, apart from he was a cunt, and nothing worked, including him as he is on the benefits gravy train. On New Year’s Eve 2008, Robinson came out of his depression, and to this day, no one knows what he was feeling (couldn’t they ask him?)

After looking back at his depression, Robinson believes the reason he came back was poker. He remembered how much he loved watching and playing it. That was when he decided he was going to play and not let his disability stop him (nor all the free money he is getting).

In June of this year, Robinson had been having vision problems and he found out he had a tumor behind his eye he had an operation to remove the tumor. The operation was successful.
 Even though the operation was successful, remnants of the tumor remain, so Robinson has to monitor regularly to make sure the tumor does not grow (bit more of the sob story so you give more money to the All-In for CuntsPoker charity poker tournament).

Robinson’s dream of getting to Las Vegas for the All-In for CuntsPoker charity tournament are inching closer to becoming a reality each day with generous donations from people around the world, including poker pro Vanessa Rousso. Robinson feels that poker has saved his life. He is sociable, has a great time, and loves life as best he can.
 He’s a great person and is proof that a disability such as liking CuntsPoker doesn’t have to affect him anymore. (so he is cured of then? why do we need to give him any charity money?)

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Daniel Cates gives coward Durrr the White Feather

Daniel Cates known online as Jungleman has handed Durrr the White Feather and called him a coward.

Daniel Cates has challenged anyone who has a spare $100,000 to play him heads up at Prague Poker Festival in December.

“If anyone has the nerve to take me on, let them come to Prague in December and sit down across from me at the table.”

Daniel Cates quoted below, which has to be directed at Durrr who Cates was destroying in the Durrr Challenge

“This is not about the past, I don’t run away from something once I start it. And there is no person alive who I will refuse this offer to play me.”

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Poker Stars shooting massacre and blackmail email threat – poker retard gets 3 months

Poker Stars staff at their head office in the Isle of Man were threatened with blackmail and a shooting massacre by poker retard Michael Gallagher. He had already lost around £20,000 when he wrote an abusive, threatening and blackmailing email to the staff at Poker Stars. He did write another email the next day apologising and saying he was drunk but it was to late. Poker Stars called the Filth and they swooped and arrested him. For his little mistake of being a true keyboard warrior he was jailed for 3 months. A very bad bluff.

“I hope you take me seriously because I swear to God I’m going to do it. I will have my vengeance. I have planned this for six months. It’s what makes me sleep a night. Drifting off to sleep, thinking about what I am going to do, knowing full well that the butchering I do will get you exposed for what you are… I will gladly take a life sentence for that. Believe me, it will be my finest hour… $50,000 in my account, or believe me, you will all be dead.”

Poker Stars and Michael Gallagher shooting threat blackmail

Poker Stars and Michael Gallagher - "It’s what makes me sleep a night. Drifting off to sleep, thinking about what I am going to do, knowing full well that the butchering I do will get you exposed for what you are… "

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