cuntspoker.com, in association with the spastics society, are overjoyed to be the only cunty poker website to offer exclusive coverage of the #MissMongoloidUK2011 contest.
Now to the untrained eye this bevy of beauties may all look the same, but to the connoisseur they are each as individual and special as a snowflake. They’re also quite receptive to anal if you offer them a Kinder Surprise and promise that they can watch Chucklevision afterwards.
So, without further ado, please check out our feisty shortlisted five and let us know your favourite on the forum here. Alternatively tweet us with your faves using the tag #MissMongoloidUK2011, not forgetting to follow @cuntspoker!
Next week it’s the swimsuit round! Yay 🙂
Contestant No 1
Debbie from Broadstairs is 23 and has been on disability allowance for several years. Her interests include archery, smiling and world peace. Debbie once hugged her pet cat to death by mistake but she kept on smiling like the trooper she is. Debbie is increasingly concerned about the state of the Euro and hopes that the Great British Pound doesn’t suffer a similar fate.
Contestant No 2
Tanya, 19, from Toxteth, first came to prominence in the Miss Scouse Spastic pagaent last year and hasn’t looked back since. With an IQ of over 80 she has brains as well as beauty and is a music lover as well as a scholar. Her musical credits include the themes to ‘popular’ TV adverts for ‘Go Compare’ and ‘webuyanycar.com’. When not smiling and wondering around in a daze Debbie likes to travel to Hartlepool in search of the fabled Higgs Boson.
Contestant No 3
Janine from London is 22 years old and a good old cockney girl through and through. As recently as April this year Janine was wrongfully arrested in conjunction with an incident of ‘spack on spack’ guncrime in Islington while innocently eating jellied eels and calling someone a “slaaaag”. Of course Janine didn’t let this get her down and her place in this shortlist is a testament to that. As is her liking of Kinder Eggs and Chucklevision ;). Clearly Tanya is one to look out for!
Contestant No 4
Elizabeth from Belfast is 26 and is the only Muslim among our top 5. Life as an Irish Muslim has proved tough for Contestant No 4 but she has braved abuse and bigotry as well as any normal freak ever could. The Irish Islamic sect, with its controversial ‘AIDS Be Upon Him’ slogan – a reference to the prophet Muhammad (No, we haven’t heard of him either), often faces confrontation from orthodox Muslims and Christians alike. However, when not on religious duty, Elizabeth likes to watch the X-Factor and flick her mongol bean in the vain hope that Simon Cowell isn’t an arse bandit.
Contestant No 5
Amy from Braintree is last, but definitely not least, in the #MissMongoloidUK2011 top 5. Amy’s hobbies, as you can see from the picture, include wearing red t-shirts, wearing glasses and looking up at the sky. As a typical Essex girl Amy likes to play hard as well as work hard and you can regularly catch the ‘down posse’ boys at ‘Spanners!’ nightclub in Braintree trying to lick her white stilettos on a Friday night. In summary: a dirty bitch but a real contender in next week’s bikini section, despite remaining seemingly impervious to the charms of Barry and Paul Chuckle.