Venereal Tourism - Herpes
Kiss her on the first date?

Charlotte Church mouth Herpes simplex oral blisters

Miguel and Clive continue their Clap Tours™ of the Big 5 Venereal Diseases that the true Venereal Tourist connoisseur will already have stamped in thier passport and on their cock.

If you are not already a Venereal Tourist, either by accident or choice, then you can read more of their world exclusive newsletter on Venereal Tourism.

Clap Tours™ The Big 5: #2 Herpes

Charlotte Church vaginal Herpes simplex genital warts

The Faithful Package:

Disease: Herpes simplex.

Location: Cardiff Wales.

Accommodation: Charlotte’s mum’s spare room.

Travel: Charlotte’s Ford Orion.

Clive’s Top Transmission Tips: Have a hundred quid handy.

Miguel: Our ‘Faithful Package’ is aimed at the family man who wants to remain true to his wife, and yet still experience the thrill of a sexually transmitted disease, by not having sexual relations with that woman (like Bill Clinton). Can you tell us why Cardiff is the place you most recommend?

Clive: I went to Cardiff to kill birds with stone. Number one, to follow up with a contact who had some information regarding a strain of Gonorrhoea that turns your penis inside out, and two, to check out the local Herpes haunts - which are without doubt the best in the world.

With a few hours to kill until ‘The Valleys’ discotheque opened, I popped into a Cardiff pub where I ran into Charlotte Church, who offered me a blowjob for £100. Normally, I would have refused as I don’t care for her foulmouthed, base-humour, Channel 4 chat show, but on this occasion I couldn’t help but notice the scabs around her lips - Herpes simplex - I’d recognise it anywhere.

genital herpes penis wales welsh veneral tourism tourist holidays

She sobbed uncontrollably in an intolerable Welsh accent about how she used to be a big star, whilst gobbling me as I ordered a drink at the bar. Feeling sorry for the fallen diva, I told her firmly, and in my sternest voice, that she should to go back to doing that opera shit, and knock the party lifestyle on the head. I think she agreed with me wholeheartedly, but then again, her apparent enthusiasm could have just been down to an admirable work ethic. My suspicions were soon confirmed though when her tears of sorrow turned into tears of overwhelming joy, as appreciation for the wakeup call I had given her sank in. Then turning back to sorrow again when I came in her mouth

By chucking out time my face was coming out in sores and my cock beginning to blister, so I knew I’d chosen wisely to put my faith in Cardiff for our headline Herpes holiday.

Clap Tours™

Miguel and Clives essential guide for Venereal Tourists - the Clap Tours™ Big 5

Miguel and Clive explain the inspiration behind Venereal Tourism and start their guide to the Big 5 with tips and a travel guide for the true Venereal Tourist wanting to visit and get the dirty bitch itch that is Crabs.

There’s been many a Tuesday night I’ve had to suffer the agony of dragging a nit comb though my pubes after a brief interlude with an aspiring hairdresser on ‘Lady’s drink free night’.

I even used to have a repeat prescription at my local Boots for Derbac-M, which used to do wonders for my dirty-bitch-itch.

Venereal Tourism - The Virgin Package

Even mans best friend is taking an interest in the opportunities of being a Venereal Tourist. Read this report by the The Canadian Veterinary Journal (La Revue veterinaire canadienne) on Transmissible venereal tumor: a consequence of sex tourism in a dog.