AIDS in the baby milk
– an exposè by Miguel and Clive
My story begins in a backstreet cardroom in Harare, Zimbabwe. I had recently moved to Zimbabwe after going broke on the Togo poker scene when bluffing away my Elephant washing equipment and my only copy of Phil Gordon’s Little Green Book of Poker with 72 off in the ‘Big Game’.
I chose Zimbabwe to rebuild my bankroll partly because I had heard the action was so juicy and partly because I had always admired President Mugabe’s moustache.
Anyway, back in the cardroom, I was on the button in a micro-limits 100,000,000,000,000 / 200,000,000,000,000 Zimbabwe dollars cash game, and I looked down to see my nemesis – 72 off.
With no action before me, I raised it up to three times the big blind. The Small Blind folded and M’thabo, one of the cardroom regulars, made the call. My eyes were fixed on M’thabo as George, the dealer, dealt the A K J flop.
M’thabo immediately fired $2,500,000,000,000,000,00,000 at the pot. Having completely missed the flop I knew the only way I could win the pot was to bluff, and sensing weakness in M’thabo, I pushed all in.
He studied me for what felt like an eternity before announcing ‘call’. I showed my 72 and M’thabo pumped his fist in the air exclaiming ‘I knew you were bluffing’ as he proudly flipped over his 73. The turn was a blank and the river a sickening 3 and I was once again broke.
Luckily, George the dealer, who was undergoing a sex change and was required to live as a woman for two years before going under the knife, was wearing his black sequin number and Stilettos on this particular night. Unable to control my rage at M’thabo’s scant justification for the call, I asked George if I could borrow one of ‘her’ Gucci’s and proceeded to bury the 9-inch heel right it in the cunt’s temple.
Broke and unable to flog my ass because of the economic crisis, I bid everybody at the table an AIDS-riddled Hanukah and retired to the bar. Quietly sipping on my Pimms in the bar and working out my next move, I was approached by a charming black fellow with cleft pallet whom, noticing I was an AIDS aficionado, regaled me with a conspiracy to rid the world of cunts that was so shocking in its magnitude, that I feel it is my duty, as a fine, upstanding member of the cuntspoker community, to share it with you.
Intrigued by his story I ordered another Pimms and listened intently as the man - who wished only to be known as ThroatFucker after the famous Watergate informant DeepThroat - went on to describe the most dastardly scheme ever devised by man.
Those up on their AIDS general knowledge will be all too aware of the historical use of AIDS to control animal populations. The trials of AIDS on animals, ThroatFucker told me, was as common as using syphilis as a performance enhancer for Synchronised swimmers.
AIDS invented by South Korean restaurateur
fresh milk - the mother lode
Originally conceived by a South Korean restaurateur as a more humane method of killing dogs for use in curry it, the use of AIDS was later developed to cull the wild cat population in the Costa del Sol by a chap called Victor Harrison, who had a rather ingenious method of administering the AIDS virus involving a pair of bird handling gloves and buggery.
The idea for use on humans came about by chance after a dyslexic factory worker with AIDS had misread the list of ingredients for Hellman’s Mayonnaise. New to the role and afraid of being fired for incompetency, he added AIDS as required the recipe by flicking one off the wrist into the huge factory mixing vat. This is what we in west have been duped into believing is Avian flu. I am reliably informed that this employee has now undergone the full induction process and knows that AIDS should only be added to Heinz salad cream.
Beautiful in its simplicity, the grand idea is to add AIDS to the government provision of baby milk of undesirable mother’s children so that the undoubtedly cuntish offspring would not live long enough to burden the world with cuntish offspring of their own. For those mothers choosing to breast feed a simple operation would be performed as part of the birthing process whereby a sachet AIDS would be surgically stitched to the underside the nipple thus infecting any suckling infant cunts.
According to ThroatFucker the scheme in its early stages is to be trialled in Southern Africa and if successful, it will be rolled out across Europe and America in due course.
You have been warned!
I implore all my cunstpoker brothers to forward this article to as many of your friends as you can and with the truth on our side, we may able to stop this barbaric scheme before it starts.
Miguel and Clive