One mans drivel is another mans undrivel? It does my fuckin head in this twitter lark. Why the fuck these retards think I am interested in them being late for a plane, i have seen a cloud in the sky, been busy during the day so not texted (like the fuck I am refreshing the page every fuckin minute or phoning up Mr Bill Gates and shouting at him to sort the it fuckin out nowwwwwwwww, useless fuckin windows so it has to be his fault don it that the internet and twitter aint working as the person I am following has not told me about her latest movements). And most of the twitter shite is movements of the bowel variety.
Poker players doing twitter and updates is ok as most of em have some point, although there are a few who do just write drivel. Please note Twitter people its 140 characters and I know it means symbols but try to think of them as 140 chances of character. Common man or especially common women – you can update us on what you are doing if it is interesting or has a point. Just because you text some bollocks every few hours because you have more than 100 followers and they expect it of you, no, they live for you and your texts doesnt mean you have to text every few hours. If its not interesting then dont fuckin waste 140 characters of our lives and dont show the world you dont have any.
There should be some sort of centralised twitter kill account where you have so many lives and when enough people agree that you have wasted precious time in their lives with some ridiculous tweet, the combined vote should waste one of your lives. I have thought about the punishment but in this day and age of being over kind to spastics there is nothing short of killing someone that could stop them from committing more twitter crimes.
So the other night I am stuck indoors as the father in law is over on holiday. What does he want to do on his holiday? Sweet FA and I mean Sweet FA. Literally. He has not left the house, doesnt drink or do anything interesting. He has spent the week doing a fucking jigsaw of some noble savages, red indians and he really likes the picture. It is one of the most sinister jigsaws I think I have ever seen. Bunch of cut heads in lovely colourful war paint looking down on a Wagon Train they are about to slaughter. Lovely. So its Friday night, party night, summer is here and its time to go out and party. And I had just fallen off the Wagon and getting as drunk as I could at home. Whe? because the bitch has some office party and I got to look after the father in law. NO FFS but a real true For Fooook Sake. Its got that desperate I am even drinking the Plum Sake concentrate we use for the chinky cooking. 10% Vol tyvm but slightly sickly.
So I is stuck indoors, we are to high up for a Tsunami to finishing the night off early. I have tried cursing God in all manners but that has not angered him enough to do some old school fire and brimstone retribution. Looks like even God the cunt has gone PC these days. He cant fall down the stairs as we aint got any. Note to self, move flats or build an extra layer for his next visit.
Then twitter saves me. Some cunt twittering about his evening and what is happening. But this is proper twitter conversations, this is how they must have imagined twitter would be used for. The problem was they released it to the common man on the street and they dont and are not allowed to think for themselves. Most conversations with the common man are them RT what they have seen on the news. I was going to say what they had read in the papers but that is pushing it a bit far for most of em.
Then twitter saves me. Some cunt called @nonnygoggler seems to be having one of those nights that I want to know about or experience. Even if its pants its what you make of it. He saved me from phoning the police to say that there is going to be a murder committed in 2 minutes and could they please put me in a cell with someone interesting.
It might be look like bollocks to you and it likely is now but it hit the spot at the time. It was a substitute night out. Its the sort of every day or every evening drivel I want to read about or you should be twittering about.
Now as its twitter these should be the other way round but 1 is the start and 3 is the last bit. Maybe you had to be there … and I wish I had been. Thank fuck I chucked away 2 bits of that fuckin jigsaw. Although I should have used them as leverage to pop his eyeballs out.