You Are the 999,999th visitor: congratulations You Won!

its back in the day … this internet poker is still new, even the internet is still new to most people. something @ was an electronic mail not someones twitter name. this is how old school poker it was … the Microgaming Poker Network was about the biggest network there was and its software was good compared to other poker sites. it was even called Prima Poker Network before it went wank stain, due to some of the events below and because I Stopped playing there, and then they had to rebrand it

this is a true tale, you may not believe it like so many of My Vanquished foe who never believed My Moves that they then copied and put in books to sell as their own. who am I? I Am legend. I Am legion. My Fans were legion and so were My Winnings. But enough about Me As this true tale is not about Me, I Am merely the ocean that the Ladbrokespoker cruise ship sailed on, I Am merely the cloth upon which this true story is projected and scene

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the lazarus bet

i had been on a poker variance downswing. it happens to us all. if it hasnt happened to you then you aint played enough hands cocky cunt. its like one or both of your parent dying. its either happened or its going to happen. which is worse? when you get to be old enough so friends of yours have parents who have died. which is worse?

i didnt know it, you never do unless you are an accountant, vc, or money soul man, but i was surfing the front of the wave, a poker tsunami. it was curving up all around me and tubing but i was to fucked to know. a million billion alternative universes/frequencies / holographic universes and i was in the moneymaker universe. thank you gods and you couldnt make it up apart to surpass it by having someone called Gold be passed a few extra chips, a gift from the white god, storm up the FT on a Gold Ponzi scheme. it reminds me of a modern day no fly zone that includes tanks that can fucking fly – i have seenem in green but not heard those inside scream or their parents. what is worse? and rebels that make the transformer films (Raghead stats in disguise) look like they were Team America or part of

there i am, all i need to do is buy a domain with the words rakeback in it and i am a millionaire

30% of our profits! how vulgar.

Patrick Antonius has never begged since, only 30%?! please

Of our profits! Good Lord!
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choosing the ideal online gambling jurisdiction

How to choose a perfect place to be a centre for online poker and gambling

1. makes sure that its telecommunications are either dodgy or have a very limited number of access points. Both are preferable

2. cheap retarded labour that can mumble the english or use google translate
2a. make sure the workers are lazy and have a business work ethic or working practices that would be recognised as lazy by those who have spent 20 years on the old sausage roll

3. preferable an island or place associated with the defenders of freedom for all and everyone (Britain). all those companies or everyone who happen to be very rich and don’t want to pay high taxes like the poor people should

4. make it an “exotic” location so you can get slave labour over there for 6 months before they have either had enough of being enslaved or most of their bodily functions have stopped working through partying. Not the Isle of Mann for fucks sake, no matter how good the taxes are

5. For some strange reason very catholic islands seem to breed these conditions and people. Apart from Ireland on points 1 and 4 and who knows or cares about the Island of Mann
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the pursuit of happyness

fucking morons, fucking company, fucking short sighted wankers in charge, fucking spastics which is great because you know they love it and want it because they always smile and make that fuck face and wont tell anyone if you are not great.

why do fucking idiots, always end up in charge? how do fucking retards get the financial backing, when those with ideas and the knowledge have to work for these fucking cunt stains?

work has been a misery.

i get picked for a meeting during work by taxi. chap who picks me up is smiling, he looks exactly like manuel from Fawlty Towers and he sounds the same. what was strange was that he was smiling. like as in happy smiling. it was a shock to the system. this man was happy. not just false happy, like actual real happy. he laughed and smiled the whole journey. i started to laugh and then smiled the rest of the journey.

works been a fucking pain in the non fucking arse. increase fucking rake without spending any fucking money but why has rake not gone up? asked by fucking ball twatters on the fucking golf course. worse than that though, fucking agree to fucking budgets long term and promotions short term then reduce or stop them and then ask why has rake not gone up? you stupid fucking cunts.
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Dr Jackal and Mr Hide

got you you old cunt.

the weekly conference call with our German brethren is a weekly tirade against all things dirty foreign and niggerfied. held in the board meeting room using the conference call facility of the phone system. a few of us gathered around a speaker phone thing. how old fashioned! about as old fashioned as the old cunt that is my boss.

when its just us 2 he does his normal Dr Jackal and Mr Hide. polite as a politician when the press and public are about but as perverted when a only a few trusted or unimportant minions are around.

Dr Jackall goes into the conference room about 30 minutes before the conference call to ‘prepare’. lazy old cunt. when its just us two i have to make him a cuppa. thankfully he cant have proper tea any more in the afternoon or he pisses himself all evening. so its funny tea for him. that hides the tastes of my rubbing my finger or some object in my knob cheese or if i have an itchy ass around the ring o fire.

about 10 minutes before the conference call starts Mr Hide makes his appearance to abruptly hide away the moment before he presses the button so we can talk. no one gets see the split persona apart from me. as always no one is going to believe me when you have an old git who everyone thinks Father Christmas was a bad version of him in a former life.
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